Resilience-In Life changing situations “You and I”
Certain-uncertain, predictable- unpredictable, planned-unplanned situations and circumstances create long lasting impact in our day to day life. Life never stops; as it moves on.
We are human beings. Since childhood we experience many twists and turn in our life from not getting our favourable items to breaking of our favourite things. We face difficulties, we struggle for sometimes however we ‘bounce back’ and start leading and living life. We establish ourselves after a traumatic experience i.e. minor and major loss of a person, un-happenings, serious illness, economic loss, failure etc.
Resilience is core competence to succeed in life; no matter what circumstance and what situation we confront. Who can predict? What can be predicted? How much can we predict? Prediction has surely certain limitations. We plan meticulously in our professional and personal life, however traumatic situations and unexpected occurrence stop us to rethink, re-plan and execute something new. It can be heavy moments, feeling of anxiety, depression, pressure and other mental illnesses for time being or for a long time. Effects on traumatic situations differ widely from person to person. Nature of traumatic incidents are also determining factors for mental illness, anxiety and depression i.e., business failure, economic loss, poor career, loss of relatives, breakup in relationships.
Resilient individuals bounce back from the setback of life. We need to observe minutely the person and situation surrounding us. Why does a person go into deep depression and another person bounces back in life? What can be the characteristics of the person? Resilience makes a person bounce back from failure to success, from broken wings to a reinvented and redesigned wing to fly high and leave all the pain and pangs behind.
Broken wing was a truth but redesigned wing is also a truth then what made the difference? I think 1st truth is acceptance, 2nd truth is adaptability, and 3rd truth is the courage to move forward, and to move one step ahead. Resilience gives us the courage to see the things as it is. Resilience does not come by birth. Resilience is the core life skill needed to be learned, developed and nurtured over a period of time. Is resilience genetic? We cannot say surely ‘yes’ or ‘no’, however so many psychologists do agree that the way we nurtured since our childhood, our surroundings, our education, our training and individual’s instinct help build resilience. I, you and we can build resilience if we: –
Acceptance- Accept the life occurrences as they are. We always try to interpret it, mould it as it was expected. Take a deep breath. Accept it and introspect on it. We planned for the best, however due to some or the other reason it failed. It is not what I was expecting. Mirza Galib beautifully portrays the limitation of being human and “a sense of nothingness” in these two meaningful lines “na tha kuchh to khuda tha, kuchh na hota to khuda hota , duboya mujhko hone ne, na hota main to kya hota. It means, “There was God even before there was Nothingness; Had Creation not intervened, he would have been, no less” (translation). So, what comes next?
Adaptability- Our readiness to accept the traumatic experience as it is, in fact a sign of integrity and positivity to move forward one step ahead. We cannot be stagnant for a long time although it might be a great loss in personal and professional life. It might affect our plan and our preparation for the best adversely. It is time to self-regulate and move for the next. Why are we moaning on the destruction which is deviating us from taking the next step? What can we do to make the thing in proper shape more important than the bereavement?
Our whole approach is to reconstruct the destruction. Reconstruction and new construction can be possible with our persistent effort to do so. Your resilience to convert adversity into opportunity determines the positive outcomes. From where does resilience come?
Courage – Acceptance comes only if you are courageous. Where everything has been destroyed; hopelessness appears everywhere; living with desolation becomes part and parcel of life; courage creates a rainbow there for you. Courage comes spontaneously from your upbringing, your knowledge and skills, your past experience and of course your family. Be courageous to think positively and look forward from this juncture. We did not expect what is before our eyes, then what is crucial for us. Be ready to mend what you can, be ready to recreate what you can. If reconstruction is the only way to move ahead, be resilient to restructure and reconstruct your emotion, passion, ambition, dream, property and profession.
Failure, loss, and bereavement can knock our door anytime no matter how smart, skilled and knowledgeable we are. If I, You and we wish to move forward from stagnation and failure period, we need resilience. How quickly and smartly we bounce back is completely determined by how much resilience we have. Resilience is the soul of life’s journey. It takes us from adversity to advancement, from self-awareness to self-actualization and self- regulation.